Marked by Grief Read online

  "Good job," he told Kit as he ran his hands over the red skin of his ass. Kit smiled. He liked that he had pleased Jason. He looked back as he felt something soft and leathery run over his skin. "Now, normally I'd whip your back, your ass and the back of your thighs. But you'll never feel the flogger over your back. It would be too painful with your scars. If someone ever wants to do that to you, you tell themno and ifthey insist, you leave and get help."Kit pursed his lips. Again with the damn talk of someone else. "Nod if you understand," Jason told him. Kit nodded. He didn't want anyone else, but he didn't want Jason to stop either. The soft leather felt good against his skin, its caress warm and gentle against the tender flesh of his ass as Jasondragged it over him.

  Until that first biting stroke came across the backs of his thighs and Kit cried out in surprise. Another came, just as surprising as the first. Each stroke hurt less than the spankings had, but it was a different kind of stinging sensation that left him sore as each strand landed against him, each creating their own mark on his thighs. He had just started getting accustomed to the feelofthe flogger whenJasontook it away.

  Kit looked back at him expectantly, waiting to see what would be next when he saw Jason drop to his knees behind him. "I'mgoing to enter you here in just a second, Kit. I want you to relax when I do and know I will never hurt you intentionally, but there will be some pressure. I will go slowly and we will take our time. I promise you will enjoy this far more than you did your first time." Kit nodded. That was easy enough. He'd already enjoyed this far more than anything he'd done with Dale. "Give me your hands, cross your wrists at your back." Kit was surprised but instantly complied, trying to hold as still as possible. Amoment later he felt the soft fluff of the cuff close around first his right wrist and then his left. Yes, he was trapped. But not really. Jason wasn't holding him prisoner. Kit just couldn't touch him. He pulled a little, testing themat first, before he realized just how securelyJasonhad fastened them.

  These weren't the cheap plastic handcuffs Bear used to put on him when they were kids and playing cops together that Kit used to be able to wiggle out of. He knew he wouldn't be getting out of these until Jason let himand that security helped solidify something inside of him. He felt Jason slide a finger between the cuff and his wrist on both sides before the man's hands again returned to his hips. "They're not too tight. These will keep youfromtouchingyourselfwhile I'minside ofyou. You'llcome again, but not untilI tellyouthat youcan."

  "Okay," Kit said quickly before Jason had to prompt him for a reply. He looked surprised at his willingness but then that face Kit loved so very much smoothed into a smile.

  Jason threaded his fingers into his and then rubbed his thumb against Kit's wrist. He closed his eyes and smiled, enjoyingthe gentle caress ofthe other man's touch. A small smile flitted over Kit's lips as Jason leaned downand kissed the back ofhis neck.

  "How do theyfeel?"

  Kit smiled. "Odd. But okay."

  That seemed to satisfy him as Jason nodded and turned away. "You'll have condoms on you at all times now. Not just when you plan to go to clubs. I don't expect you to be giving blow jobs in dark alleys, but I want you to be prepared. And it's your responsibility to keep yourself safe. No one else's. Any guy you're with has to wear them with you. No exceptions. If he refuses, you don't let him come near you." Kit could hear him tear open the package and nodded. "Never open it or put it on with your teeth. It's sexy as hell to put a condom on with your mouth. But you can puncture it if you aren't experienced. So don't do it. I've got an extra box I'mgoing to send you home withtomorrow."

  Kit closed his eyes. "I wish you wouldn't say that,"he whispered desperately.

  Jason's hands went stillonhis hips. "Saywhat?"

  Kit shrugged. "All this 'someone else' crap you keep going on about. I want you. Why can't you see that?"He sniffled and Jason stroked his hips and thighs, comfortinghim.

  His reply was slow, but when it came Kit could hear the sadness in Jason's voice. "Do you really, Kit? I know you're having fun right now. But do you honestly want this?"

  Kit nodded. "I want you. The rest of it… I'm not sure about. I like it. But what I really want, what I've always wanted, has beenyou."

  He watched as Jason ducked his head. A moment later he nodded. "All right. If you still feel the same way in the morning we will talk about long term. I've never done anything long term like that so it'll be new for me as well. But if you're really sure, then we cantalk about it."

  Kit nodded. "And if you see that I'm right, that we're good together, then you don't wear your bracelet anymore."

  Jason looked surprised. "All right. No more bracelet, no more clubs, if you still want this in the morning. And I won't mention someone else again. Now relax, I'm going to put some lubricant in your ass and onmycock."

  Kit smiled. He felt like he'd won a little. And he knew Jason didn't let people win that easily. His cock was painfully hard as he listened to the sloppy noises Jason made as he spread the lube over his cock. Then there was a squirt and Kit felt the cold gel slide down his ass just before Jason inserted a finger into him. Kit held his breath, waitingfor the stingthat had come when Dale had stretched him, but Jason only continued to slide his finger in and out of Kit's ass instead of the two or three Dale had used as if he had been trying to see just how manyhe could fit inside ofKit.

  "You're tense, relax,"Jasontold himquietly. Kit nodded and forced himselfto take a deep breath. Jason slowly slid his finger out for the last time before Kit felt his warm hand on his hip. "I'm going to press against you now. I'm going to go slow and I need you to breathe. Tensing up won't help either of us." When Kit didn't respond right away Jason frowned down at him. "Understand?"

  Kit nodded at him over his shoulder. "Yes. I'll try."

  That seemed to be good enough for Jason as Kit felt him slowly push the crown of his cock just inside of his ass. He tried to hold still, knowing he needed to, but wanting to feel himso much deeper. Kit bit his lip to keep from begging Jason just to fuck him already as he took his time, entering himby fractions of the inches Kit reallywanted.

  "Please," Kit whispered. He shook his arms in frustrationand the metalchains clinked together over his lower back until he rested his arms, letting himself relax as he felt Jason move inside of him with irritating slowness. "Faster, please, Jason," he said as he looked back over his shoulder at the larger man.

  Jason chuckled darkly and held Kit's wrists right over the cuffs. "You'llget used to themafter a little bit. And I willgo faster, whenyou're ready."

  "I'm ready now," Kit complained as he pushed back against him.

  He laughed and ran his fingers down the length of Kit's spine. "You always were impatient. Remember when Bear and I told you we were going to go play laser tag and you couldn't stop begging us to take you sooner thanwhenwe said we would?"

  Kit nodded. "Bear finally told me if I mentioned it againhe was goingto leave me home."

  "But we stilltook you."

  "And I kicked both of your butts," he said with a grin.

  Jason's laugh was thick as it ran over Kit's heated skin. "So you think you're ready for me to go faster?"

  Kit bit his lip and nodded. He didn't know what faster meant to Jason, but he knew he had to trust him. He felt Jason's fingers tighten on his hips and held his breath as he slid further inside of him. He kept going, pushing deeper until he stopped. Kit watched him, wonderingwhat the hellwas goingonbut afraid to ask.

  And then Jason pulled out of him, nearly all the way until Kit felt empty down to his soul. Jason slid forward, slamming home and making Kit gasp. He bit into the pillow beneath his head and Jason's pace became furious, shaking himdown to his core. Sex with Jason was different than anything he could have ever expected or imagined. It was rough and each sensation was blindingly brilliant as they coursed through him, rushing along his veins and firing through his mind until he could barelythink.

  But then Jason went still and Kit slowly came back to himself. He choked down huge gas
ps of air as he struggled to catch his breath. Behind him Jason was breathing just as hard. "Why'd you… why stop?" Kit whispered incoherently.

  Jason leaned down and kissed Kit's cheek. "I want youwithme."

  "I'm right here." He shook his wrists a little for emphasis. "Can't go anywhere."

  Jason chuckled and shook his head. "Mentally youwere gone. You'd stopped thinking."

  Kit frowned. "Is that such a bad thing to escape sometimes?"

  "You should never want to escape from the personyou're with."Jasonranhis hands over Kit's arms and down his sides. "You are so beautiful. I can't get over how good you look under me with your hands bound behind your back and your face flushed with sex." Kit moaned as Jason's hands went to his ass and began to squeeze him. "I've pictured you like this for years. Wonderingwhat sounds you'd make as I slid into you, if you'd call my name when you come. Now I know you do and I'll be hearing my name on your lips againsoon."

  Kit could barely breathe. He'd wanted to know those same things. He'd been picturing Jason above or behind him for years. It was always Jason he thought about, even when he'd been with Dale. Having him now, knowing everything he did about Jason, made the experience surreal. He was different than Kit could have ever pictured in his fantasies. But he was so much better as well. Kit had always pictured Jason as a darker, harder lover than Dale had been. But he always believed Jason would be caring and compassionate. And he'd beenright. OhGod, he'd beenright.

  "Ready?"

  Kit nodded and smiled softly as he slid back into him. His pace was fast, but not nearly as much as it had been and Kit was able to keep his focus this time. Jason had been right, being aware of every touch was better than the blind pleasure he had experienced before and Kit savored every time Jason slid his cock into him, every scratch of Jason's short nails against his ass and everysoft kiss he placed onKit's shoulder.

  His pleasure had beenat a slow boilmost ofthe afternoon but with this new focus Kit felt himself charging toward the cliff with little regard to the rules Jason had laid out so neatly for him. But he couldn't touch himself and that quiet torture made him whimper withneed.

  "Doing okay?" Jason asked him. His voice sounded rough, like he might be close too. Good, Kit desperatelyhoped he was.

  Kit forced himselfto nod.

  Jason gave his ear a light tug. "Tell me what's goingon."

  "Close…"Kit gasped as he rubbed his painfully hard cock against the side ofJason's bed, desperate for friction. "So close."

  Jason grinned and used his strong hands to pull Kit's hips back from the bed. "No cheating, Kit. I'll let youcome, promise. But not yet."

  Kit groaned and glared back at the smirking man. "Whythe hellnot?"

  Jason's smile turned evil. "Because I said so."

  Kit groaned and buried his face in the pillow. Jason was just being mean and it was so fucking unfair that he couldn't come. He gasped as Jason surged into him, his pace steadily increasing. Amoment later he felt the sting of Jason's palm against his hip as he struck him. The moan that fell fromhis lips was quickly cut off as Jason landed another stinging swipe to the outside of his other hip.

  "Like that?" Jason asked him teasingly as he moaned.

  Kit nodded. "Yes, verymuch."

  Jason laughed. "Good. I do too. Your skin has the most delicious red marks on it right now. And you're so pale theystand out perfectly."He dropped his hands to Kit's tender hips, holding him. Warmth spread through Kit with that contact. He could feel Jason's touch so much more clearly now that his skin had been spanked. He grinned. He would have never been able to imagine such a thing before today but the last few hours had beenfullofsurprises.

  And Jason had helped him take his mind off of Bear's death. He hadn't actually thought about his murderer's suicide in hours. And even then it had just a fleeting thought and far too brief to hurt him. Thinking about Bear in any fashion usually brought crippling pain that left himstruggling to get even one breath down. But with Jason, sharing those memories of the man they had both loved had felt right. Like it was okay to be sad with Jason because he understood Kit's pain and was hurtingtoo.

  Jason's teeth on his shoulder quickly brought Kit out ofhis musings. "Staywithme, Kitty."

  Kit groaned. He hated that nickname. "Don't callme that."

  Jason laughed. "My cock is deep within your ass and you start going off on some thought tangent. I've never met someone more ADD when it comes to sexthanyou."

  Kit turned bright red. "Bastard."

  Jason leaned down and nipped his shoulder again. "I'm close," he breathed in Kit's ear. "Want to come withme?"

  Kit nodded eagerly. He was more thanreadyto come and the knowledge Jason was close had just pushed him even further toward that point. "Yes, please," he moaned a second later, quickly rememberingJasonliked it whenhe answered him.

  "Good. I like watching you in that moment when you climax and sex fills your face." Kit shook as he felt Jason's sure fingers latch onto the base of his cock. He timed his strokes perfectly, sliding his hand down Kit's length and running his thumb over the slit in his cock just before he slid back from his ass and moved his hand back up to stroke alongKit's balls. The matching movements had Kit gasping into the pillow as he struggled against the cuffs. He wanted to touch himselfand needed to touchJason.

  Thankfully Jason leaned forward, placing just enough of himself against Kit's lower back so Kit could touch his belly and stroke the fine hairs that trailed down his navel. Amoment later Jason leaned back and Kit felt his firm hand clasp the thick muscle that connected his neck and shoulder. He turned his head and kissed Jason's fingers as they tightened on him. He was desperately close as he looked back at Jason. He was surprised to see those onyx eyes staring back at him, capturing him as he surged one last time into Kit's ass, his name fallingfromhis lips.

  Kit's own climax took himby surprise a second later as he shot onto the floor next to Jason's bed. He cried Jason's name just before he collapsed, spent and panting on the bed, his face pressed to the pillow and not caring about it at all. Jason pulled out of himand he heard the smacking of rubber as the condom was tossed into the nearby trash can. His hands were free a moment after that and then he felt himself being lifted in the air as Jasonscooped himup.

  "I canwalk,"Kit protested weakly.

  Jason smiled and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. "I know you can, Kit. But I wanted to carry you."

  Kit closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. "Bet yousaythat to everyone."

  "No, not really." Kit's eyes slowly opened as Jason sat him down on the wide ledge of the bathtub next to a smallcollectionofshampoo bottles. And a bar of soap, the same kind the Bear used to buy. They were special, hand-crafted andBear had believed they were worth every penny. Kit picked up that nearly new square and breathed it in deeply. His mom had cleared out all of Bear's things from the bathroom they'd shared and donated whatever had been unopened before Kit crawled out of bed one morning. Looking back, that might have been the day after the funeral. But he'd been so numb those first few weeks after Bear's death he couldn't be certain. He just knew that his brother was quickly being stripped out of the house he'd grown up in.

  "I don't want to go home," he whispered brokenlyas tears beganpullinginhis eyes.

  Jason pursed his lips as he turned on the water. He checked the temperature and then let it run. "Why not?"

  Kit put the soap back and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands as he slowly looked up at Jason. "Bear's not there."

  Jason sighed and kissed Kit's forehead. "I know, Kit. But he's not anywhere. Not anymore. He died."

  Kit shook his head fiercely. "I know that. Don't you think I know that? But he's not there. Mom threw out all his stuff and the rest she boxed up and put into the attic. There's no soap left. I don't even know where to get it. Where do I buy Bear's soap?"he finished with a sniffle as he wiped his nose.

  Jason pulled him into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I didn't know, Kit. Dammit, I didn't know. She shouldn't h
ave done that to you."

  Kit shook his head. "She took him away. She boxed himup and she threw himaway,"he mumbled as he clutched Jasontightlyagainst him.

  Jason kissed his temple and then pushed gently on his chin to turn Kit's face toward him as he pressed his lips to Kit's. The brush of Jason's lips was comforting and Kit let the taste of the other man soothe him. Jason turned the water off and lifted him again, never breaking the contact between their mouths as he slowlystepped into the water. Kit pulled awayas he felt the warmth rush over him. Jason slid in behind him and pulled Kit back against his chest, letting Kit fit neatly betweenhis thighs.

  "You don't have to go home," Jason told him softly as he began peeling the tape and gauze off his back. "Not ifyoudon't want to."

  "I don't," Kit said adamantly as he watched Jason work. Jason just nodded and tossed the bandages aside.

  "It looks good. I'lllet you see it in a little bit, but it looks good."

  Kit watched as he took a clean washcloth and began patting it over his skin. He flinched at first as the hot water sliced through his open wounds but then he relaxed as Jason's hand came up to the back of his neck, steadyinghim.

  "The pain helped me focus during sex,"Kit said quietly.

  Jasonnodded. "That's what it's supposed to do. That and I just like seeingthe marks."

  "And it made each touch matter more," he tried to explain.

  Jason grinned and leaned forward to kiss Kit's shoulder. "Yeah, it does."

  Kit smiled and let his head fall onto his chest. Jason tossed the washcloth aside and pulled him back against his chest. Kit shifted slightly so that he was turned into Jason and his new tattoo wasn't touching him. "Whendid it start for you?"