Head Above Water Read online

  Head Above Water

  By Caitlin Ricci

  Sequel to Weathering the Storm

  Robbie & Sam: Book Two

  Six months after moving to Thornwood, Robbie’s life is slowly getting better. With Dan in jail, he should feel safe from the abuse he suffered before, but that does little to calm his nightmares. Fortunately, Sam, his boyfriend, is always there to help him through the worst of them, and he finds peace while out riding his horse.

  But things are far from perfect. His little brother is hurting, his older brother is angry all the time, and the family he loves is breaking apart in front of him.

  Sam only wants to see Robbie happy. He loves his boyfriend and will do anything for him, including standing up to Robbie’s older brother. His favorite times are when they’re out riding together and leaving the rest of the world behind, but those perfect moments can’t last forever, especially when tragedy comes to the ranch.

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  More from Caitlin Ricci

  Readers love Weathering the Storm by Caitlin Ricci

  About the Author

  By Caitlin Ricci

  Visit Harmony Ink Press

  Copyright Page

  Chapter One

  Robbie

  THE MORNING of my seventeenth birthday, I’d been sound asleep in my room in Uncle Caleb’s big cabin, dreaming about riding my mare, Witchcraft, through the woods that surrounded us, when someone pounced on me. I woke up to find Sam, my boyfriend, smiling down at me as I blinked away my sleep.

  “Hey!” I didn’t even get to say hi back to him before he leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. “Happy birthday.”

  I groaned and rubbed my hands over my face. “Hi. What time is it?” He reached over me to grab my phone from the nightstand where I’d left it after texting with him well past midnight. The sun was barely up now. What was he doing here so early, and didn’t he ever sleep? “Did you sleep at all?” I grumbled.

  Sam looked at my phone, then put it back down where he’d found it. “It’s eight. C’mon. Let’s go. Get up.” He jumped on the bed a little, shaking me more awake.

  “Too early.” I turned over and pulled my comforter farther over my shoulders. I’d be more ready to do the birthday thing a few hours later. After I’d slept some more. When it didn’t hurt so much.

  Sam grabbed my arm and rocked me. “No. C’mon. I’ve got the whole day planned out for us. We’ll get breakfast at the diner, then see a movie, then go back to the diner for lunch, then we’ll come back here for the cake Mom is going to bake you. Spoiler, it’s delicious. Please get up? Please, please, please?”

  I looked up at him. He smiled down at me, and I hated that I wasn’t as happy about it being my birthday as he seemed to be. “Sam….” He must have heard something in my tone, because his expression fell pretty quickly. “I just…. Can we do something quiet? Something around here today?”

  He sat back on my bed, and I forced myself to get up. He’d gone from looking really happy to worrying about me in only a few seconds, and I wished I could be as happy as he needed me to be right then. But today was going to be hard. “You okay?” he asked.

  I nodded and wished I didn’t have to say the words, that he would somehow instinctively know why I was upset, but that wasn’t fair to him, and we didn’t really ever talk about my mom, so how could he have known? “Mom died on my birthday,” I reminded him, my voice breaking as I forced myself to get the words out.

  A heartbeat later he silently held me, and I covered his arms with my hands. I hadn’t cried, not really, and definitely not in front of him, but I felt like I could right then as he sat with me. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember. That was stupid of me,” he said seconds later, and I knew he meant it.

  “It’s okay.” I hadn’t expected him to remember. It would have been nice, sure, but I hadn’t said anything in the past few months, or weeks, or even in the last day or two that would have reminded him. “I want her back,” I whispered brokenly.

  He kissed me on my shoulder, and I reached up to wipe my tears away.

  There were footsteps in the hallway, too heavy to be either Daniel’s or Ben’s, and I lifted my head as I waited for my uncle’s boyfriend, Trent, or my Uncle Caleb to walk past the open door to my bedroom. It was Trent, looking like he was getting ready for work as he walked around in his cop uniform. “You boys okay?” he asked. He’d been sleeping over a lot more. I wished Sam could stay over as often as Trent did.

  I nodded, but he must have been able to tell something was wrong because he came to my doorway. Even though my door was open, and he could have come in if he wanted to, he was good about respecting my space. “Today’s going to be tough. I’m only doing half a day so that I can be here for Caleb. If you need something, let me know. You have my number.”

  I did. He was one of my few contacts on the shiny new smartphone Uncle Caleb had bought me. Daniel and Ben had their own too. We needed cell phones when we went riding in the woods, and their dad, Dan, couldn’t really keep paying our bills from jail.

  Trent looked like maybe he wanted to say something more, but he didn’t. Instead he gave us a little wave, and then headed out of the house.

  “We don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want to,” Sam offered. “We can stay right here.”

  As comfortable as my bed was, I didn’t want to lie in it all day. And Sam looked so disappointed, like I’d ruined his grand plans for my birthday by being so upset. “Could we maybe just go riding today? I know it’s not any different than a normal day, but I think I need to.”

  Sam gave me a smile and another quick kiss. “Yep. I love riding.”

  I did too. “Give me half an hour to get ready?”

  “Sure.” He hugged me tightly, then was off my bed and heading downstairs. While he was gone, I went in search of Ben and Daniel. I found Daniel, but Ben’s room was already empty. He must have been out at the barn already. “Hi,” I said to Daniel as he sat at his computer. He was talking to someone on instant messenger. I didn’t know who, and I didn’t ask. We weren’t that close. I doubted if even Uncle Caleb knew.

  He glanced back at me. “Hi.” I didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and his curious expression turned into a scowl. “You need something?”

  Shrugging, I stayed at the entrance to his room. At one time we’d been close. But that had been last year, and so much had happened since then. “Wanted to see how you were.”

  “Mom’s dead and my dad is in jail, so how the hell do you think I am? Close the door and go away.” He turned around, ignoring me, and I sighed. A few months ago, I would have been angry at him for talking to me like that. And for throwing the fact that I’d been born because of an affair back in my face. But now? Now I could barely stand him, and I felt like I was always mad at him, so what did it matter if he added a little more to it?

  I was going to say hi to Uncle Caleb next, but he was already in his studio with the door closed and the music on, so I knew he was painting. He didn’t mind if we interrupted
him while he worked if it was something important, but me just saying hi didn’t feel like it was all that important. I went to get a shower and hurry up so Sam didn’t have to wait for me.

  After my shower I found him in the kitchen putting bagged bits of food into some plastic bags. “A picnic for us,” he said, while I sat down on the floor next to the front door to put on my boots.

  He was so sweet, so good to me. I gave him a little smile, the best I could manage, and he smiled back at me. We headed down to the barn with Sam leading the way. It was barely a five-minute walk from the front door, and from here I could see Witchcraft grazing in the pasture next to Magic. She was a passive mare, and Magic was an older gelding, so they got along pretty well. Daniel’s and Ben’s horses weren’t as accepting of the old gray man, so they got to stay together. Sam stopped in the tack room to get the halters while I went to my girl.

  “Hey,” I said, taking her head between my hands as she came over to the fence to greet me. We’d been together for a year, and I loved her. She pushed her nose into my chest, and I laughed. “I don’t have treats, baby girl. Wish I did. I’ll bring you something later. I promise.”

  “Ready?” Sam asked me, offering me Witchcraft’s purple nylon halter and lead.

  I nodded. “Yeah.” We went in through the gate, and a few minutes later were back out of it again with our horses in tow. Sam began grooming Magic while I checked Witchcraft over. She was a fine-boned, sturdy quarter horse mare. An excellent find, for any horse. That she was a rescue made her even more special. That she’d been given to me by my mom the night she’d died in a car accident made Witchcraft everything I had outside of Sam.

  “How’s she look?” Sam asked me. He was already brushing out Magic’s long, nearly white, tail. He must not have been too dirty for Sam to already be on that step.

  I nodded and got up from where I’d been crouching next to her front right leg. I thought maybe she was a little swollen, but it must have been my imagination because she didn’t seem tender at all as I ran my hands over her leg.

  “She’s good.” Witchcraft tossed her head in the halter, making the buckle under her chin rattle. I smiled at her and patted her neck. “I think she wants to go out.”

  “Me too.”

  Ben brought in his quarter horse, Blue, and the horse looked sweaty like he’d really worked hard. “Hey,” I said to him as he tied Blue up farther down the barn. Ben gave me a little wave, and I frowned, wishing I could help my brother somehow. He hardly spoke and seemed to be struggling a little more each day. Leaving Witchcraft for a moment, I carefully walked between Magic and the stall across from him, then stopped Ben in front of Blue’s stall. “If you need anything today, let me know, okay? I mean, I’ll be out with Sam, but if you need me I’ll have my phone. So call or something.” I shrugged, not really knowing what to say as Ben looked up at me, as silent as ever. He nodded and moved away from me. I guessed we were done for right then.

  Shaking my head, I went back to Witchcraft and started grooming her, getting her ready for a ride. I couldn’t get Daniel to like me, and I couldn’t make Ben talk to me. I sighed and ran my hand over Witchcraft’s shiny black coat.

  “Can I help?” Sam asked as he came over with a soft body brush in his hand.

  “Am I taking too long?”

  He gave me a little smile and kept his hand on Witchcraft’s hip as he walked behind her, letting her know he was there, and went to her other side. “Nope. Take as long as you want. It’s how you bond with her. I know. Just thought if you wanted help, I’m here.”

  I glanced back at Magic, to see him nearly falling asleep there in the barn, looking as calm as ever and completely shined up, then nodded to Sam. “I’d like the help. Thanks.”

  Talking, and being normal in general, that morning felt off. But this was something I could do. Being around Witchcraft, and Sam, made me feel better. Almost like I was okay. As long as I didn’t think too much about my mom, or all the pain that had happened in the last year, I was pretty sure I’d be okay to go for a ride. I couldn’t promise Sam anything more than that, but a ride was something I normally found peace in, and I was looking forward to getting out there in the woods with her, Sam, and Magic.

  It was nice to groom Witchcraft. Some people rushed through the process, but I liked reconnecting with her as I got the dirt loose from her coat. It was our time together, and I would have never let my brothers in on it. Sam, though? Sam I’d always let help take care of Witchcraft if he wanted to.

  Ben was done cleaning up Blue before I’d finished grooming Witchcraft, and as I went to get her saddle he was heading up to the house. Sam’s idea of tacking up Magic was to put an extra lead rope on him and call it good. For me, I didn’t show that much anymore, only on the weekends instead of during the week too, but I still insisted on putting a saddle pad on her, and the saddle, and the smooth black leather breast collar. The last thing I did was take her halter off and let it fall to the floor of the barn while I kept my arm around her head to keep some control of her. As always, she took the bit easily for me, and I kept her reins over my arm as I tightened the thin, black leather strap under her throat. I checked her again to make sure she hadn’t breathed out and loosened her girth in the meantime; then we were ready to go.

  There was a picnic table that had probably never been used for that purpose, and we led our horses over to it to help us mount. I could get on Witchcraft from the ground, even without a saddle on, but it was good to practice this way too. And there was no risk of hurting her back since I didn’t have to lift myself up and over her spine like I did from the ground. She seemed to appreciate it too, giving me an easy, fast walk as we headed away from the barn. Magic let her lead, even though he’d been there longer, which was nice because Witchcraft generally had faster gaits than the old draft gelding. And Sam didn’t expect nearly as much from him as I did from Witchcraft. He let Magic graze as we headed into the woods. I never permitted Witchcraft to nibble as we walked along. I’d been taught it was a bad habit for a horse to develop because if she tried to graze on any grass along the outside of an arena while we were showing, I’d lose my chance at the blue ribbon for sure.

  Six months ago those ribbons had meant the world to me. And I still showed, and still did my best, but I’d been actively trying to be more okay with red and yellow ribbons too at times. Sometimes Witchcraft and I weren’t the best team in the arena on any given day. Caleb was trying to tell me that not coming in first wasn’t always a bad thing. I no longer thought a yellow ribbon would lose me my horse, which helped me breathe easier most days.

  The trail became wide enough so we could ride side by side a good mile from the house, and I pulled Witchcraft to the left to let Sam come forward and ride beside me if he wanted to. I heard him struggling to get Magic into a trot so that he could move up beside me, but the old gelding would not budge, and eventually I had to nearly stop Witchcraft as I turned in my saddle to watch him come up.

  “He’s lazy today,” Sam said once he was beside me, and I brought my reins up over Witchcraft’s neck to let her know she could walk again.

  “He’s always lazy.” We shared a smile. Then Sam reached out his left arm toward me, and I brushed the fingers of my right hand against his.

  We rode in silence sometimes, and other times it seemed like we couldn’t say enough to each other. Sam let me stay quiet as I thought, and let Witchcraft pick her own way through the trail. It wasn’t that I was just a passenger and she could do whatever she wanted, since I knew better than to ever let my guard down around a horse, but I wasn’t pushing her to do anything on the ride. We were simply existing, the four of us, and it was nice. I needed it as I let my mind wander and tried to think of my mom, and how much I missed her, without crying about her being gone. It was a hard thing to do, which was why I didn’t think about her more.

  Uncle Caleb often told me it was okay to cry, that he did it sometimes, and it didn’t make me strange to cry about my mom being dead or a
bout what Dan had done to me. But every time I started crying, I heard Dan’s voice in my head telling me that I couldn’t. We hadn’t been allowed to cry for her when he was in our lives, and I didn’t know why I still felt like he was crushing me even when he was far away in a jail cell somewhere.

  “You’re really quiet,” Sam said as we leaned back to go down a little hill.

  I frowned. I guess I was. “Sorry.” Witchcraft stepped around some loose rocks, and I was glad she was paying attention to the trail because I certainly wasn’t.

  Shrugging, Sam dropped one of his hands from the reins—sometimes he held them with both hands, especially if the terrain was a little uneven—and stroked Magic on his neck. “Robbie, you don’t have to be sorry for being sad. I just… I want you to know that I’m here. You know, if you want to talk about anything.”

  I appreciated that, and I knew he was there for me. We were hardly ever apart since he lived down the hill from me, still on Uncle Caleb’s property. But losing my mom wasn’t something I talked about with anyone. Not my brothers, not Dan while I’d thought he was my dad, and not even Uncle Caleb. And my mom had been his sister. “Thanks.” I couldn’t tell him why I wasn’t okay talking about her, since I didn’t know myself. I was grateful he’d never forced me to try.

  Uncle Caleb had tried to get the three of us into counseling. Ben still went. I’d gone a few times in the beginning before I’d asked Uncle Caleb not to make me go anymore. Daniel didn’t even give it a chance. I overheard Trent sometimes telling Uncle Caleb that Daniel was a lost cause and he should stop fighting so hard for him when Daniel obviously didn’t want to be helped. Uncle Caleb argued with him, but sometimes I thought Trent was right. Daniel was messed up, and sometimes he scared even me.

  “I’m glad you decided to come out for a ride with me.” Sam sounded like he was trying desperately to make conversation. I hated that things were so awkward between us at that moment, like he didn’t know how to deal with me when I wasn’t happy, and I didn’t know how to be his friend when I couldn’t pull myself out of this funk I’d been steadily slipping into for the past week.