Marked by Grief Read online

  Kit nodded and Jason helped him get his shirt back on, being very careful to stretch the material over his back. "Call your mother. Let her know you'll be at my apartment this afternoon." He held his phone out to Kit and frowned whenhe didn't take it.

  "She's at Betty's. She probably won't even notice I'm not there." He shoved his hands into the pockets ofhis jeans and took a step back.

  Jason bit back the words he wanted to say. He wouldn't pushhimonthis. He hadn't seenKit inmonths, and although the man in front of him now was better than the one that had walked in a few hours before, he still wasn't the same Kit he had been last Christmas. Jason wasn't sure he would ever be that man again. He'd let himhave some slack this time, but he wouldn't always get his way.

  He opened his phone and called the familiar number.

  "Jason?" Kit's mom answered him on the first ring. She sounded surprised to be hearing from him. Damn. Had it really been that long since he'd called the womanhe once considered his second mother?

  "Hello, Danielle. I've got Kit with me at the shop and I wanted to let you know he'llbe coming over this evening. He might be spending the night, but if that happens I'll have him call you and let you know." Kit looked up when he mentioned spending the night. Jason gave him a little grin which instantly turned Kit's face bright red before he looked awayagain.

  There was a pause at the other end and Jason frowned until he heard the woman's voice come back on the line. "Good. It's good that he went to see you. Is he… He's okay right? I haven't seen him in over a week. And—"

  "He'll be better after tonight." Jason watched Kit remove himself even further from the conversation. He didn't back away but Jason could see him fading in front ofhis very eyes. Aweek?Awhole fucking week? He knew part of that was Kit. Danielle had explained that Kit didn't come out of his room most days. But fuck it all, she had legs and hands and fingers for opening the door. "Okay. Well… thanks for calling and all…"

  Jason tried to put a smile in his voice and failed. At least he didn't sound like he wanted to yell at the woman anymore. Bonus points for him, he supposed. "Take care. Bye." He didn't wait for her response. He didn't live in the house, he reminded himself. And they were all breaking apart. Danielle had told him a little of it, but he knew what he'd heard was far fromthe whole story. Kit didn't come out of his room, she thought her husband was having an affair, and most of her friends had abandoned her. He tried to muster up some sympathy for her but failed monumentally when faced with the man in front of him. Kit had needed help for months, and yes, Jason had failed him. But so had everyone else in his life. And that just wasn't going to work for him.

  He put his phone away and gathered up his things. He wouldn't be coming back to the shop today. Kit took the small bag Jason handed him and followed himsilently out of the room. "Hey, I'm heading out," he told Joe at the front desk. "I don't have any appointments for this afternoon. You guys can close up tonight."

  "Sure, boss. Bye, Kit, good seeingyou."

  Kit gave Joe a little wave before following Jason to the parking lot. His bright red truck, the one Bear had helped himpick out two years ago when he'd bought the shop from the man he'd apprenticed under, shone in the hot July sun. He loved the thing because Bear helped him choose it. They'd spent an afternoon trying out every truck dealership they could find until they'd pulled into the right sales center and this monster was sitting there, waiting for them on a bright summer day much like today. But at the same time, he couldn't stand it and hated being near it. Because it was a truck that had killed Bear. He knew logicallythere had beena man, a very drunk and very stupid man, driving the truck that hit Bear and Kit. But in the end it had been a truck that had taken his best friend's life. He'd nearly sold the thing. But Bear had helped him choose it, and so it stayed.

  Jason opened the passenger door and looked around for Kit, frowning when he saw him a few feet behind him, staringat the truck. "Come here, Kit."

  He didn't move. Jason walked up to him, placing a firm hand on the back of Kit's neck as he came up against his side. "I get it. But youneed to get in the truck."

  "You have a truck. I forgot that. Bear…" He shook his head.

  "I know. But, Kit, this truck isn't that truck. Bear loved this truck. He loved it almost as much as I do. You can't be afraid of all trucks. What do you do whenyou're drivingand a truck comes up beside you?"

  Kit pursed his lips. "I don't."

  "Don't what?"

  Those emerald eyes were wet as he looked up at Jason. "Drive. Haven't since then."

  Jason shook his head. "Shit."The guy was even more messed up than he originally thought. "All right. We'll go slow."In everything. He waited for Kit to take the first step and kept pace with him, pausing when he did as theyapproached the truck.

  "Can't we just walk? You don't live that far." Kit's voice was too close to a whine for Jason's liking.

  He shook his head and tightened the pressure onKit's neck. "No. Now go up to the truck."

  Kit was shaking as he took another step forward. But then he balked and shook his head. Jason's hand on his neck was the only thing that kept himfromboltinginanydirection. "I… I can't."His voice was barely more than a whisper as he stared across the shinysilver grillat the front ofthe truck.

  "Tell me about that night." He knew he was pushing and that Kit could break at any moment and be lost to him and the rest of the world forever. But this was important, damnit. He had to face this. He couldn't be afraid anylonger.

  "You know everything already," Kit snapped at him. His mouthwas pressed into ahard lineas Jason watched the anger boil inside of him. But Jason saw the tears in his eyes and knew he wasn't gone just yet. He was still there, the anger just a front to protect himself. But Kit didn't have to do that withhim.

  "I'm not going to hurt you, Kit. You're safe here. You'll always be safe with me. You need to tell me about that night."

  Kit closed his eyes and took a deep breath and slowly began to obey. "It was dark. We were just comingback fromthe corner store."

  "What'd youbuy?"

  Kit kept his eyes closed as he answered. "Donuts. Those mini ones that come in the white bag. The kind with chocolate icing. I hate them but Bear would get a craving for them once in a while. He'd already had three before we'd even left the parking lot. I thought he was going to finish the rest of the bag before we even got home. I was afraid he'd turn around and get another because he was eatingthemso fast."

  Jason nodded. He remembered Bear's weird craving for sweets. He took a chance and moved forward. Kit came withhim. "Did youget anything?"

  Kit shook his head. "I didn't want anything. Just wanted to get out of the house and spend time with Bear. We were goingto watcha MontyPythonmovie."

  Jason smiled. He still had the entire collection Bear bought him one year for his birthday. "And then what?"

  Kit shook his head and his forehead creased. He started to tremble under Jason's hand. A moment later tears began to leak from Kit's closed eyes and Jason pulled him close against his side, wrapping his arms around him and resting Kit's head against his shoulder.

  He'd pushed far enough, bringing Kit right up to the moment he knew the truck had hit them. "Breathe for me, Kit," he commanded lightly. "You're safe. We aren't goingto go further thanthat today. Youdid great. I'm very proud of you." He kissed Kit's forehead, then his temple. "Openyour eyes. I'mright here."

  Kit blinked up into the bright sunlight and Jason smiled at him. He held him for another moment, letting Kit share in his strength until the younger man took a step awayfromhim. "Your truck is red."Jasonnodded, knowing where he was going with this and letting him lead. "The man that murdered Bear was driving a blue truck."

  Jason nodded. "Faded blue with white pinstripes. I saw the pictures."

  Kit took a step forward and Jason went with him, keeping contact with the younger man in case he needed him again. Kit led him to the front of the truck and pointed at the closest light. "There was a dent there, on the hood. There was ru
st on it, like it'd been there for a while. I could see it in the street light above my head when the truck…" He shuddered and Jason nodded, lettinghimknow it was okayto stop for today.

  "I'mshit," Kit muttered darkly. "Bear saved my life and I can't even get in a fucking truck."He wrapped his arms around himself.

  Jason added his arms in as well, holding Kit tightly to him. "You're not shit, what you're dealing with is. And you can get in the truck. I'mright here with you and we'll go slow. Now take a step forward." Kit obeyed him, though his arms never dropped. "Good. Now, my truck is red. I don't have ugly pin striping and I sure as hell don't have any rust on my beauty. Right?" Kit nodded. "Is my truck the same truck that killed Bear?" Kit hesitated, but the answer came a moment later as he shook his head. "That's right. It's not. I want you to reach your hand out and touch my truck. My bright red, shiny as an apple, truck your brother Bear helped pick out."

  Kit stubbornly shook his head no but Jason moved his hands under Kit's arms anyway, forcing him to break the hold he had on himself. His arms came down as Jason's tightened on him, holding him close frombehind. "Touchmytruck, Kit. It's just aninanimate object. Steel body, rubber tires, leather seats. There's nothing evil or dangerous about it. This truck is not going to hurt you."Again Kit started to refuse but Jason used his much larger body to push him forward. He moved one of his hands under the hem of Kit's T-shirt and began to run his finger along the top of his jeans. Kit had always been ticklish and the distraction seemed to help as he tried not to laugh.

  "Touch the truck, Kit," Jason told him again, making sure to keep his fingers on the smooth skin of Kit's belly. When Kit hesitated, Jason pulled his hand away.

  Kit made a little moue ofdisappointment. "I like when you touch me," he said quietly, his gaze still locked onthe truck.

  Jason nodded and smiled. He kissed the back of Kit's head. "And I like touching you. But I'm not going to reward you with something you like when you keep disobeyingme."

  Kit pursed his lips. "So I have to touch the truck to get youto touchme?"

  "Yes, though not always. But when I've asked you to do something and you refuse, that is how it will work." Jason took a breath. "You will be getting in the truck, goingfor a ride withme to HappyClucker onthe way home, and then getting out of the truck once we reach my apartment. That will all happen this afternoon. While we are in my apartment you will be rewarded. How nice ofa reward youget alldepends onhow good youare right now."

  Kit closed his eyes and nodded. When he opened them again Jason could see he had focused. "Touch the truck, get in the truck, get out of the truck, get reward?" Jason nodded. "Okay." His fingers flexed at his side. "Touchthe truck."

  The moment his hand started to rise from his side, Jason pressed his palm back against Kit's belly. When he lifted his hand higher, Jason raised his hand to stroke Kit's sternum. And when Kit's hand brushed the truck's shiny hood, Jason's fingers found and teased Kit's left nipple. Kit instantly let his hand drop away from the truck's surface, but Jason kept his fingers on his nipple. He brought his mouth to the curve of Kit's ear, sucking on the tender skin as Kit trembled against him.

  "Good,"Jasonsaid as he brought his head back up and let his hand drop down to Kit's navel. "Now get inthe truck."

  Kit looked back at him and frowned. "That's a prettybigstep up fromjust touchingit."

  He nodded. Jason knew what he was asking of the younger man. "I know you can. And more than that, I know that you'lldo what I want."

  Kit gave him a light, teasing smile. "Oh, yeah? Why's that?"

  Jason was glad to see the old Kit shining through a little in that smile. He dropped his hand to the front of Kit's jeans and pressed back against the hard length there. Kit gasped and closed his eyes. Jason felt him move toward his hand and quickly pulled away, puttinghis hand back onKit's stomach.

  "Why?" Jason teased him. "Because I know you want me too. And you are the only one delaying that. So get inthe truck."

  Kit shook his head but managed to walk a few feet around the side of the truck, keeping distance between himself and the vehicle. "Sex is a dirty, dirty tactic, Jason."

  Jason shrugged. He'd use whatever means necessary to help Kit. This one happened to be the most beneficial to them both. He harbored no illusions and had no expectations of the younger man. All he would demand that night is that Kit trust him and let himself feel something other than grief for a few hours. The rest was inconsequential right then. "Sex is only dirty if you're doing it right," Jason joked. "Now put your hand onthe door."

  Kit hesitated for a moment but quickly obeyed when the warmth of Jason's hand went away from his belly. "Very good. Now get into the truck."Jason knew this part would be hard for him so he let Kit take his time. He didn't push but stayed right there with him as Kit slowly climbed in the truck. Once he was in the seat, Jason put the seat belt on himand went around to the other side.

  "Close the door, Kit," he said once he started the truck. Kit pulled the door closed and flinched as the lock clicked. "Now."Jason turned toward him. "You've done very well. Would you like a reward?" Kit's lips turned up into a little smile and gave him the slightest nod. "You'll answer me with words when you are able. Let's trythat again. Would youlike a reward?"

  Kit's eyes flashed as he quietly answered, "Yes, sir,"inclipped tones.

  Jason ruffled his hair. "The sir is unnecessary." Kit gave him a quick smile right before Jason took his mouth in a kiss. This was a far cry from the gently exploring kiss they had shared in the shop. Jason took control of Kit's mouth, bruising his lips as he slid his tongue between the younger man's teeth, his fingers holding the back of Kit's hair. He held him for a moment longer, loving the way Kit responded to him and enjoying the muffled moans he made before pulling back just enoughfor themto breathe.

  "Do you want to date me?" Kit whispered, his voice hopefulas he looked up at Jason.

  Shit. Jason sat back. He really hadn't thought this through very well. Of course Kit would ask that. He'd dated only one guy Jason knew of and so had none of the experience the guys Jason usually brought home did. They knew there wasn't going to be anything serious between them. Hell, they expected that and most of the time were getting their clothes on before Jason even mentioned them leaving. But Kit… Jason glanced over to the man beside him. Kit hadn't moved as he continued watching him with wide eyes and bruised lips.

  "You wouldn't have kissed me if you didn't, right?"Kit pressed.

  Jason took a breath and slowly blew it out. "Kit, you see, I—" He aborted that train of thought instantlyas Kit's face started to crumble. Jasonwatched as he brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them, protecting his small body the best as he could as he turned and looked out the window.

  "Fuck," Jason muttered. Dammit. By helping Kit he'd only served to hurt himfurther. He backed out of the parking lot and turned the truck down the town's onlybusystreet. "Look, Kit, I'mnot sure how to—"

  "Stop. It's okay. Stupid of me,"Kit interrupted, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. Jason heard him sniffle and watched him wipe his eyes. He reached his hand out and rested it against Kit's arm. At first Kit flinched away but he quickly returned, letting Jason's hand laywhere it was.

  Jason shook his head and sighed. He'd royally fucked up. He was still cursing himself as he pulled up to the order window ofthe burger place.

  "Hello and welcome to Happy Clucker. What canI happilymake for youtoday?"

  The perky girl in the speaker irritated Jason but he tried to remember the shit jobs he'd had as a teenager and took pity on her as he ordered for them both. "I'll take two vanilla milkshakes, two double cheeseburgers with extra cheese and an order of onion rings."

  "Would you like some Happy Sauce to go with your HappyRings?"

  Kit snorted beside him. Good, at least someone else thought it was funny. And what the hell was Happy Sauce supposed to be anyway? "Uh. No thanks."

  "All right, so your total will be twelve dollars and sixty-two cents. Please pull forward to
the Happy Window."

  Jason rolled his eyes. He'd been going there for years and had never heard anyone use the word happy so manytimes inso few minutes.

  "She's really happy," Kit said with a small smile as he unfolded himself. Jason nodded, fully agreeing with him as he pulled up to the first window. A bored looking teenager took his cash and silently handed him back his change.

  "Have a Happy day,"the kid said as he handed Jasontheir food.

  "You too." Jason handed Kit the bag of food and put their milkshakes in the drink holders between them before pulling back onto the road. His apartment was only two blocks away and the anticipation was nearly painful as he reached down to adjust himself. Unfortunately he caught Kit watching hima second too late, a blushalreadydarkeninghis cheeks.

  "I like Happy Clucker too. I haven't been since the last time Bear took me. Though, I've never actually tried their chicken. I always get their burgers," Kit said as he took a sniff. "Smells good."

  "It's good. I've tried the chicken but I prefer their burgers. They still have that picture of Bear up by the registers. The one fromafter he took their challenge and beat it. Remember?" Jason asked him as he pulled into the parkinglot ofhis apartment building.

  Kit nodded. "Bear ate ten of their Insanely Happy spicy chicken sandwiches in under fifteen minutes. He was disappointed they didn't give him fries too."

  Jasonlaughed. The sight ofBear gorginghimself made Jason sick but he'd stayed right by Kit, cheering Bear on untilthe fifteen minute buzzer sounded. He also stuck around to hold his friend's long hair as he puked it all up in an alley half an hour later. He resisted touching Kit's much shorter strands. They both had fine blonde hair, much like their mother. Today Kit's was nearly wispy. Bear complained about his often. He didn't have the head to wear it shaved so he'd decided to let it grow long. Though he bitched about the hassle of that too.

  Jason opened his door first and grabbed their milkshakes. Kit followed closely behind him with the food. It'd been nearly a year since he'd had them over. Jason had preferred to be at their house where there was room to stretch out. He loved his apartment but a one bedroom wasn't big enough for multiple guys to reallyget comfortable.