My Life in Hell Read online

  Balthazar came back, sparks still shooting from his fingertips, and my mom got the door for him. He looked proud of what he'd done, until he looked at me. "You should not have seen that. I'm sorry."

  I was honestly glad I had. "Thanks for kicking his butt for me."

  He blew out the fire on his fingertips before offering me a hug. I wasn't a big hugger, but Balthazar was, and so I went to him and hugged him and he rubbed his knuckles into my hair.

  "I will find you a new job in the morning. A better job!" he proclaimed.

  I was good with that. The Department of Souls had been pretty awful anyway. "Thanks."

  *~*~*

  By morning Balthazar had found me a new job, and it was awesome. I was feeding dragons. They were little dragons, barely the size of cats, but they were still dragons. And from their tower, I got to see pretty much all of Hell. There were dark places that I couldn't see into, but then there were the streets and the homes and everyone going back and forth to work and plenty of them stopping by the Department of Souls.

  I only had one coworker, and I'd only seen him for a moment, which was okay since all the instructions for how to care for dragons were burned into the wall in front of me, surprisingly enough in English too. Maybe too many people had forgotten the basics and someone had become frustrated.

  They needed honey water once an hour, they needed burped and they had to be played with. That was easy. I couldn't get enough of the snake-like creatures as they twisted around me and crawled up to the top of my head to be able to see out better.

  "Careful with your hair. They like to set it on fire. I think they like the smell of it or something."

  I turned around, and the dragon who had been perched on my shoulder jumped down and ran to play with the others who were fighting over some bones. "Hi. You didn't tell me your name when I came in. I'm Seth."

  "You're the human son of the human woman Balthazar is in love with." He said it carefully, like he had to remind himself.

  My heart instantly sank. I didn't want another Azreal situation on my hands. But this guy, whoever he was, didn’t look like he was trying to hit on me. For my first day working in the tower, he'd mostly kept away from me.

  "What's your name?" Asking him the first time hadn't worked. I was hoping the second time would give me better results.

  "You don't want my name," he said. He'd been in shadows, but now he stepped forward, and I saw that his skin was black and crinkled, like it had been burnt. Like he was still burning.

  I cringed back from him instinctively, then felt bad. We still had to work with each other. "Why not? We're going to be working here together aren't we?"

  He went to the window and looked out. He must have been working there a long time, because all of the dragons came toward him. Some climbed up his legs. Others scaled the walls to find a place on his crackled shoulders. Each one that landed on him though was quickly, and carefully, transferred to another spot to sit.

  "You don't like them touching you?"

  "I don't like them pooping on me," he corrected me. "And you won't be here very long, so there's no use in exchanging names. I've seen plenty of demons come through here. Most don't stay more than a day or two. They get bored. Why should a human be any different?"

  I smirked at him. "If I stay here a week, you'll give me your name."

  He pushed away from the wall, and the dragons all quickly bounded after him. "Sure. In a week."

  *~*~*

  I held him to that promise. I was there at the tower every day for the rest of the week taking care of the baby dragons, cleaning up after them and losing my eyebrows in the process. Most of all, I definitely didn’t get bored.

  By the end of the week, he greeted me at the front of the stairs and Balthazar nudged me forward. He'd been walking me to work the past few days. I had no idea why.

  I was blushing as I walked up to my co-worker. "So. Hi. It's been a week."

  "Yes, it has." He didn't look pleased about it either. "Balthazar, good to see you again." He walked past me and took my stepfather's hand. Then they hugged. I hadn't seen anyone hug my stepfather before, except for my mom. Everyone else just seemed scared of him all the time. But this guy, whoever he was, he didn't seem like he was afraid of Balthazar at all. In fact, they looked like they were friends.

  I cocked my head to the side as this guy came back to me. "Kirin," he said, as he walked past me. "Now get to work. You're late."

  "I was waiting on you!" I protested as I followed him in.

  "Seth, don’t be rude to him. I mean it. Working with the dragons is an honor. I had to ask Kirin to take you on as a favor."

  I hadn't known that. I'd thought this was just another way for him to get me out of the house and to try to get me to see more of where he was from. "I will be. I promise."

  Balthazar nodded and I could have sworn he actually looked proud of me there for a moment.

  "Kirin?" I called to him as he headed toward the elevator. There was a spiral staircase that went up the center of the tower, but it was rickety, and I didn't want to walk up ten stories anytime soon if I didn't have to.

  "Yes?" he asked me. Inside the elevator, I moved back, giving him some space too. I was curious now though. Curious about him, curious about him and Balthazar and how long they'd known each other and why they seemed like friends, and just plain curious in general maybe.

  "Are you and my stepdad friends? He doesn't seem to have many of them." It seemed like one of the easier questions to start with.

  "We are," he said, giving me a nod.

  I relaxed a little. If he was willing to answer my questions, then maybe I could get to know my new boss. I was happy at the tower, and I wanted to keep working there.

  "Kirin?" I pushed a little harder.

  He rolled his amber eyes. "Just ask the question. You don't have to keep repeating my name. I only expect that from my lovers."

  I blushed instantly and wished I was able to laugh it off as the joke he'd clearly meant it to be. "Uh... How long have you known him?"

  "Likely before even your grandparents were children, if I remember how long the average human lifespan is. Time is different down here, and it's often hard to remember how Earth works."

  I knew I was staring at him, but I couldn't help it. I'd forgotten that demons could be so much older than humans. Living with Balthazar, demons had become so normalized for me that at the very least I wasn't afraid of them anymore, but more than that, I treated them like they were just like me. Like they were humans when they definitely weren't.

  "I like working here," I said. I was just saying things now to fill the time as the elevator went up to the top of the tower where the dragons lived.

  "I admit, I tolerate you being here."

  I laughed and relaxed a little more, especially when he smiled at me to show that he was definitely joking.

  *~*~*

  By the time I'd been working there a month, Balthazar no longer walked me to my job, and Kirin trusted me enough to get to the top of the tower on my own. It was nice having his faith. I enjoyed it and I was glad I'd earned it.

  I got to work feeding the dragons and cleaning out their soiled hay from the night before. They made a huge mess. And sometimes they burned it, which made things easier on me since then I just had to clean up ash, but more often than not they left me with huge piles of poop filled hay to then pick up with a pitchfork and toss out the window. Sometimes I'd get cursed at, but the dragons all smiled and bounced around whenever someone tried to yell up at me from ten stories below.

  *~*~*

  "Do you enjoy working with them?" Kirin asked me one afternoon when I'd been working with the dragons for almost two months.

  "I do." They were getting big now, some nearly the size of small ponies. Those ones could barely fit through the tower window anymore. "Do you ever ride them?"

  "No." Kirin laughed and came over to check my work. I'd swept the tower and after that I'd given them all clean hay, just as he like
d me doing. Every water dish had fresh cold water in it and each dragon was well fed and healthy.

  And yet he still looked at every little detail with such scrutiny, and I stood there with hay sticking to my clothes and dirt under my fingernails waiting for his approval without making a sound or moving even a single muscle.

  "You're adapting well to life here. Most humans wouldn't be able to handle it. You are living in Hell after all."

  I didn't really need the reminder. I saw it whenever I looked out a window, and his skin still made him look like he was burning from the inside out. I'd kind of expected him to heal a little over time, but he hadn't. That was just how he was. But I was no longer weird about his skin. I wasn't jumping back from him or cringing anymore. I was more fascinated by his skin—and by him in general really. "There isn't that much difference," I said as I watched him. "I go out to eat with my mom and stepdad. I have a job. I get a paycheck. There are houses and streets. In a lot of ways, Hell is like Earth."

  "This part may be at least," Kirin quietly admitted.

  Now he had my attention even more. "This part?" I repeated.

  "You haven't been to the human part of Hell, where the souls are tortured and people scream for release. I doubt Balthazar would ever even let you get close. A long time ago, we used to work there together. We didn't torture anyone, but that was largely because we weren't needed to at that time. Hell always has plenty of demons ready to torture human souls."

  He came closer to me, and maybe he was trying to get me to quit or something. Maybe he was suddenly tired of having me here. I didn't think I had been bothering him by being there every day, but maybe he'd had enough of me. Whatever it was, I lifted my chin and stared into his bright eyes. "I'm not afraid of you. Or him. If you want me to quit, just say so. You can fire me. I doubt Balthazar said anything against me being fired."

  Kirin pursed his lips. "I don't want you to leave. Strangely enough, I like having you here. Your company is... soothing almost. At times. Are you really not afraid of me?"

  I'd seen him cradle a baby dragon in his arms and rock it to sleep. I had no reason to be afraid of someone that gentle. "Nope. No more than you probably are of me."

  "Which is not at all. The scariest thing about you is who your stepfather is, which admittedly will keep you pretty safe in Hell. He cares a lot about you, you know that, right? He's not just putting up with you because he loves your mom."

  I knew he did. I was really starting to like Balthazar too.

  "He’s a great guy," I mumbled. I wasn’t really sure what Kirin was getting at. Or where he was going with this. "I don’t know why he didn’t just start me out here working with you. I like it here a lot more than I ever did at the Department of Souls."

  "He was worried about you," Kirin said.

  I stopped and scrunched up my face. "Why? Did he think I’d fall out of the window or something?" I could be klutzy, but I wasn’t that bad.

  "He was more worried about what I’d do to you. I’m not generally fond of humans. Maybe he was afraid I’d throw you out that window myself, or that I’d let some of the dragons tear you apart."

  I laughed, until the moment I realized Kirin wasn’t joking, then I shut up in a hurry. "What do you have against humans anyway?"

  Kirin shrugged. "It’s nothing really. Just how short you all live. How little your lives seem to mean."

  "Compared to you all? Sure. I don’t live all that long. But that doesn’t mean my life means nothing." I stepped back from him. I suddenly wanted to be out of this conversation with him. "Is it okay if I go start work?"

  "Of course."

  *~*~*

  I went back to the dragons, back to sweeping and cleaning and caring for them. They were dragons, creatures I’d never thought existed beyond fairytales, and here I was feeding them and cleaning up their poop. They helped me relax me, and I liked getting lost in my own head taking care of them.

  "I didn’t mean to upset you," Kirin said later that day as he came into the room with me.

  I stopped feeding one of the smaller dragons to look over at him. "Would you prefer to work with a demon?"

  "If any of them lasted more than a minute or two with me, then maybe. But demons lose interest. I told you that. You’re surprising. You’ve stayed interested, and you’ve held my interest as well. You make me reconsider my long held beliefs on humans."

  I smirked. "What kinds of beliefs? I thought demons were all just made up legends or something before they started showing up on Earth. What did you think about humans before you met us?"

  He stepped closer to me and I lifted my chin to meet his gaze. Despite what I knew about him, despite how dangerous I was pretty sure demons could be, I wasn’t scared of him. Not when he came in close to me. Not when he brought his hand up and dragged his knuckles over my cheek.

  I couldn’t breathe, but I wasn’t scared. I was, however, very nervous. He trailed the claw on his thumb over my lower lip, and I was sure he had cut me, but when he brought his lips close to mine, and then when he kissed me, I didn’t taste any blood and I didn’t want to stop kissing him.

  I twisted my hands in his shirt and grabbed him, keeping him against me as I kissed him. It wasn’t my first kiss by a long shot, and because of Azreal, it wasn’t even my first kiss with a demon, but maybe that was better because with Kirin I wasn’t shocked when I felt his fangs against my lips. I just wanted more.

  Kirin pulled away from me. "Stop that. I want you, but not right now. Not here."

  He pushed me back, putting his hand against my chest. I let my hands fall to my sides. I wanted to keep kissing him, but he wasn’t having any of it.

  "Get back to work," Kirin snapped at me.

  I rolled my eyes.

  "And don’t do that either."

  He let me go.

  "Kirin?"

  "Back to work."

  His tone was softer with me this time, but not by much. He left me alone, and I did get back to work, but I didn’t stop thinking about what so briefly kissing him had been like. What having him pressed up against me had been like.

  I was distracted even though I was doing something I loved. I was doing something a lot of people back on Earth would have killed for, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my demon boss.

  I tried to shake it off, but I kept thinking about Kirin. I wanted him too. And then I didn’t. I wanted to pretend the kiss had never happened. But then again, I wanted to keep kissing him.

  That night when I was done with work, I left without saying goodbye to him, which I never did, but his door was closed, and I didn’t want to knock and risk inconveniencing him even further.

  *~*~*

  I could have gone straight home, back to the crooked house on a street filled with broken cobblestone, but instead I went away from home. I went to get a drink. I was too young to drink back home, back on Earth, but here there was no legal age for when I could get drunk.

  I sat at the bar, I took a stool between two demons who gave me dark looks but quickly lost interest in me.

  "One of..." I looked at the lighted shelves behind the winged bartender and frowned. I didn't know how to order a drink on Earth, and I didn't even know where to start here in Hell.

  "He'll have a Cerebrus."

  I turned back to see Kirin standing close behind me. "You're good at sneaking up on me."

  He stepped up behind me, close enough that I could feel him against my spine. "You're in Hell now. Get better about knowing who, and what, is around you. Remember that most of the demons here know what a human sounds like when they scream for mercy."

  I shuddered at the thought and was glad he was there. I didn't really need protecting. Not with who my stepdad was, but I felt better knowing Kirin was there just in case anyone wanted to try to test how much Balthazar actually cared about me.

  "What did you order me?" I quietly asked him. I reached back, wanting to touch him again, needing to almost. I made contact with his thigh, and then he brought his hand d
own to cover mine.

  "An orange soda with cream in it. Completely safe for humans and just a bit sweet." He dropped his voice, whispering in my ear. "You shouldn't touch me so openly here—or anywhere else. Balthazar could easily find out. There are plenty of demons around who just love to make trouble for others."

  I didn't move my hand. "I don't care who knows or who sees us."

  "I do." He removed my hand from him, but he didn't leave me. Instead he stayed right there behind me, letting me feel him against me. I kept my movements small so that I didn't attract attention, but I did lean back against him, and when he didn't leave me then I sipped my drink while looking up at him. He still stayed right there so I turned around and had him between my thighs.

  "It's good. The drink." It was less sweet than any orange soda I was used to and better because of it.

  He nodded and his expression got a little soft. He no longer looked as pissed off at me. "I thought you'd like it." He tossed some coins on the bar behind me and then he took my hand. I took the drink with me as he pulled me out of the bar. I sipped my soda and walked along beside him. I liked his company, and I didn't mind the looks the other demons were giving us.

  We didn’t stay at the bar. Probably because of what Kirin had said about other demons wanting to make trouble for us. Instead, Kirin took me back to the tower and then he kissed me in the elevator. I pushed him back. He was older, and a demon, and I wasn't letting him take control of this kiss. I wanted to control him. Just in this. Just as we kissed.

  I didn’t know what had changed, or why he had reconsidered there being an us at all, but I wasn’t going to ask him about it. Not when I figured I was too close to the moment being lost already.

  When we got to the top of the tower, though, I lost my nerve. I didn't want to be kissing him while we were surrounded by the dragons. Kirin pulled me into the other room on the opposite side of the tower though, away from the dragons and behind a closed door. I'd never been in his area before. I'd had no reason to be.

  But then I was kissing him beside his fireplace and my drink was still half full as he sat me down in a chair beside the fire.

  "This is wrong," he said as he stood over me. He was still touching me though. Still holding my hand. Still staring at me as if he wanted me. He could say it was wrong all he wanted, but that wasn't what he was really telling me.