Marked by Grief Page 6

  And then Jason was there, wrapping his arms around him, leaning into him. Kit closed his eyes, willing him away. He put his hands over his ears and kicked Jason away. He didn't want to hear the man's pain if he actually made contact. But he was quickly trapped under him as Jason put a muscular thigh on the outside of his legs, pinning him in place. Kit struggled, bucking under him, but it was no use against Jason's much larger size. And he had verylittle energyleft to fight him.

  It was only once he had gone still that Kit felt Jason get off of him. He opened his eyes and blinked. Jasonwas kneelinginfront ofhim, lookingnearlyas sad as he had the dayofthe funeral. "Jason?"

  "Shh, just relax." His hand came up to Kit's neck, rubbing him gently. "Do you really want to stay here tonight? Experience what I want to show you? It won't be easyand it mayevenbe uncomfortable."

  Kit bit his lip. He wanted Jason. He could never be bad or wrong, he was just Jason. And he'd always been the best person Kit knew outside of Bear. "What are yougoingto do to me?"

  Jason pursed his lips and sighed before he stood up. "Come with me. And bring your burger. It blows my mind that you're still working on it. You will be done withit before we go further."

  He took a step back, giving Kit the space he needed to get the cheeseburger and stand up next to him. He felt weak as he swayed, but Jason was quick to put a steadying arm around his shoulders as he led him to the bedroom. His large bed looked comfortable and invitingand Kit immediatelycrawled onto it.

  "Uh-uh," Jason scolded him. "You don't eat food in my bed. Sit up on the side and finish your burger."Kit groaned in displeasure but forced his weak body to do as he was told. His burger had gone cold but he ate it anyway, nibbling on it as best he could without any appetite to sustain him. "You need the calories so get working."

  "I don't see why I have to eat," Kit whispered. "What's the point now Bear's gone?"

  "I can't lose you both." Kit looked up at him, afraid he'd heard wrong, but as he saw Jason watching him intently, he understood. "You need to eat Kit. Wastingawayisn't the answer to your pain."

  Kit nodded. He was right. He'd been getting weaker these past few months, but eating took so much effort most days. Jason left the room and quickly returned with Kit's milkshake. "Finish this too." He plopped it down on the nightstand next to Kit's hip. Kit rolled his eyes but managed to take a sip in between bites.

  "Now, keep eating while I show you some things. Not everything will be what you like so we would have to experiment a little bit. But there are some basics I always use." Jason started pulling various items out of his dresser drawer. Kit didn't recognize most of them, but whenhe saw the padded handcuffs come out, he chuckled.

  "You really are kinky," he said as he reached out to touch them. They were soft leather, obviously expensive, with fine fluffy material on the inside and a series ofchainloops to connect them.

  Jason laughed and pulled out the last item. He laid the thing down beside Kit on the bed, and though he stared at it for a good while, Kit still couldn't figure out what the thing was called. It had a long leather wrapped handle and strands of leather coming out of the base.

  "Flogger,"Jason told himas he sat down on the bed with him. The things were between them and Kit watched as Jason stroked over the long strands of the thing he called a flogger. "It has lots ofstrands, they can be soft like a caress or they can sting. It all depends on the Dom and how he wants to use it for the kind of reaction he's seeking. This one is yak leather, very soft and very fine. Used by me, one like this won't make you bleed but it willleave marks on your skin. Acat, or cat o' nine tails, is similar but it has fewer strands and they're usually thicker. Sometimes cats even have a small bit of extra pointed leather or even a barb at the end. Theyhurt more. There's verylittle caress withthem and far more scratches. I don't own a cat and I don't like to use them. Blood is never something I like to see frommysub."

  Kit nodded, following as best he could, until Jason had said "his sub." Kit looked up at him, his mouth set into a hard line. There it was again. That distinctionofthe menJasonwould have sexwith, lots of them if Kit had to guess since he seemed so experienced, and then Kit. Who Jason would kiss and touch but wouldn't address directly when talking about sex. "I want to be your sub,"Kit said boldly.

  Jason's lips cracked into a smile. "You don't know the first thing about being a submissive. But it's a nice compliment, thank you."Kit huffed angrilyas Jason went on to the next item. "Handcuffs, which I'm sure you could figure out. I like my subs bound." Kit retold that sentence to himself his own way, getting rid of "my subs." He didn't want to think about Jason with other men.

  "And how would you use that on me?" Kit asked, pointingto a red ballwithstraps attached to it.

  Jason's eyes narrowed at him. "I would have mysub wear this gaginhis mouthto keep himquiet."

  "Think it would fit me?"Kit pressed him.

  "Keep pushing me and you'll find out. Now eat your burger."

  Kit grinned as he took another bite. He knew the look Jason was giving him, and the tone of voice he was using. He had managed to frustrate him. And that made Kit happy for some reason he couldn't explain. He finished the last of the burger and tossed his wrapper into the nearbytrashcan.

  "Milkshake too." Jason handed the drink to him. Kit bit back a sigh and forced himself to drink it. It was too sweet but at least it had melted for the most part. He drank it as fast as possible untilhe reached the end with a loud slurp that made Jason grin. He threw the empty container away in the trash. Then he looked at Jason expectantly. He'd done what he wanted. So now what?

  Jason handed him his cell, open and ready to call his mother. "Tell her you're spending the night. If you decide not to, that's fine. And I willtake you home. But she should at least have some idea of what your plans are."

  Kit bit the inside ofhis cheek and looked away. He didn't want to talk to his mom. He hadn't reallysince the accident. Since he'd called her right after dialing 911. She'd been upset and he could rationalize that now. But he still remembered her words to him that night as he lay there on the side of the road, holding Bear's lifeless body in his arms, and wanting nothing more than to have his mom with him, telling him it was all some fucked up nightmare. He'd needed to hear that Bear wasn't dead. And she'd yelled at him.

  "Kit,"Jasonpressed. Kit hunghis head. He was a coward who couldn't even tell his mom he was spendingthe night somewhere.

  "She won't care," he muttered as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

  Jason sighed and shook his head. "She loves you, Kit."

  "She hates me," Kit countered angrily. He wiped his eyes as tears started falling again. Great. He was crying again. No wonder Jason thought he was a goddamnchild withthe wayhe bawled.

  "Your momdoesn't hate you, Kit. Both of your parents love you. You're all they have now." Jason sounded so sure of himself and Kit wanted to believe him. Really he did. Life would be so much simpler if he could just believe everything Jason thought was true. But he couldn't.

  "She blames me,"Kit said brokenly. He hugged his head, not wanting to hear the words he'd spoken. But they were out there anyway. And he couldn't hide fromthe truthinthem. "Bear died protectingme."

  Jason's mouth was a warm caress against his own. Kit gave into that comfort easily, letting him get lost in the salty taste of Jason's kiss as he let the larger man lay him down on the bed. It was so easy to want what he was offering, to give into the peace.

  Until Jason had to ruin it by pulling away. Kit looked up into those onyx eyes, seeing the pain there and hating how his choices that night had hurt him. "I should have grabbed him," Kit whimpered. Jason carefully wiped away his tears with the pad of a rough thumb. "It's my fault." He tried to curl into a ball, to cry as he held himself like he'd done so many nights since then.

  But Jason's weight against himprevented it. He tried againbut Jasonshifted his body, holdinghimdown even more effectively. He'd been a wrestler in high school and apparently hadn't forgotten anything. Kit muttered out a cur
se as he bucked his hips against him in one last futile attempt to get him off but Jason only shook his head. "You'd need another forty pounds of muscle and some actual technique to get me off of you right now, Kit. So stop trying, you're just wasting your energy. Now that I have you here and you can't get away, we're goingto talk about this bullshit."

  Kit scowled at him. He didn't want to talk about it.

  "Bear pushed your sorry, ungrateful ass out of the way because he loved you. Even if he didn't love you, he still would have done it. Because that's the kind of hero macho bullshit Bear did every damn day. And you weren't driving that truck. You weren't drinking. You didn't make those choices that led up to your brother, my best friend, getting hit by a fucking drunk driver on some stupid stretch of road. I don't give a shit what your mother said to you or why you think she hates you. She was wrong to say those things to you. And you're dead wrong ifyou think she isn't hurting just as muchas youare."

  Kit could only stare at him, his mouth gaping open.

  "Now, get up. Callyour mother and tellher you are spending the night here. Nothing more, nothing less. If she says anything that hurts you, hand the phone to me. If she yells at you, you hand the phone to me. You don't let her hurt you or make you angry. You're going to do this because you are an adult and a responsible adult keeps their promises. I told her you would callher if you were staying late. So you will." With that Jason rolled off of him and then grabbed Kit's hand to help himsit up.

  Kit silently picked up the phone. His hands were trembling but he could do this. He nodded. He had to do this. Jasonhadn't moved fromhis side and his warmth was pressed against the length of Kit's leg. Jasonwould help keep himsafe. He dialed.

  "Jason? Is that you again? Darling, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were lonely and missing me," his mother said as she answered. She was giggling and he could hear other women talking in the background about making more margaritas. He hadn't heard her sound this happy since Christmas. She'd been drinking thentoo.

  "It's me,"Kit said as he tightly shut his eyes. He didn't want to do this. Didn't want to hear her voice again. Not througha phone.

  The giggling stopped instantly. "Oh, well… Hello, Kit."

  He gulped. "Hi."

  "Youhavingfun?"

  That actually brought a smile to his lips as he opened his eyes and looked at the line of leather instruments Jason had pulled out. "Loads. Jason's showingme his toys."Beside him, Jasonchuckled.

  "That's good… Verygood."

  "I'm staying the night," Kit said quickly, getting to the point.

  "All right. You boys have lots of fun." She hung up the phone, as eager to be done with him as he was withher.

  "We used to be close," Kit said as he handed the phone back to Jason.

  He nodded. "I remember. Death changes a lot of things, almost never for the better."He put his phone onthe nightstand after turningit off.

  "You don't leave it on in case of calls?" Kit asked him, clearlysurprised.

  Jason shook his head. "I'm with you right now. Nothing is important enough to interrupt that." Kit felt a flutter in his belly. No one had ever said that to him before. He'd never been first. "Stand up and take your pants off."

  Kit looked up at him, startled. But Jason just looked back at himexpectantly. "Go on."

  He swallowed thickly as he forced his legs to work. He stood, wobbled, but managed to stayupright. He started going toward the bathroom but a sharp word fromJasonhalted him. "Staywhere youare."

  Kit felt himself go red. Jason wanted to watch. He'd never been watched before, not like this. They'd all changed before at the gymor at the swimming pool. But it wasn't anythinglike this. He felt exposed and raw. What if Jason didn't like what he saw? What if he was too small? Kit fidgeted and shifted onhis feet.

  "I'mwaiting,"Jasonreminded him.

  Kit forced himself to look up at him. This was Jason. He could do this. He took a deep breath and made his hands go to the button of his jeans. Did Jason like it when guys went slowly? Or fast? Should he tease himfirst? Kit didn't know how to tease. At this point he barely knew how to stay standing as he saw Jason's cheeks flushwithdesire. He wanted to be good for him. He wished he hadn't stopped eating regularly. He looked much better with more weight on him. And if he'd worked out a little, that would have beengreat too. His fingers worked on the button, struggling as his hands shook. Finally he got it open and slid down the zipper. He wasn't wearing underwear. He never did. And although he knew that Jason could barely see anything right now, he felt nearly naked as he stood there.

  And Jason just kept looking at him. There was no encouragement, but no displeasure either. Did he like what he saw as Kit stuck his thumbs in the band of his jeans and slowly began pushing the rough material over his hips? It was impossible to tell from Jason's blank expression. His gaze tracked Kit's slow movements, but that was it. Kit's jeans hit the floor with a whoosh and he stepped out of them, kicking them aside. His cock was in full view now, proud and wanting as it bobbed against his belly. He faced off against Jason, his mouth set into a stubborn line as he watched himslowlyrise fromthe bed.

  Kit tried to cover himself as Jason came up beside him. "Let me see," Jason commanded him, his voice dark and beautifulto Kit's ears. But he flinched at the first touchofJason's fingers onhis shoulder.

  "Am I just for you to look at then?" Kit asked himbitingly.

  Jason gave his hair a light tug. "You will answer me when I ask you a question, and if you decide at any point tonight that you don't want to continue this, then you may tell me so. I will not gag you tonight. Not just because I want you to have the freedom to tell me if something is too much, but also because I want to hear every perfect gasp and moan you willmake tonight. My rules are simple. You must be honest with me in all things, you will not hide yourself fromme in any fashion and you will tell me if you don't like something. If you can't obey those three simple rules then we will stop right now."

  Jason's hand dropped to the patch of fine hair right above his cock. He couldn't breathe through the lump in his throat and couldn't think beyond the rushing ofhis heart as it beat loudlyinhis ears. "Kit?"

  Kit nodded. Whatever Jason wanted, it was a yes. Jason's fingers went further down, his thumb stroking over the base of Kit's cock just before he cupped his sack in his hand. "I require an answer," Jasontold him, his voice soft inKit's ear.

  "Yes,"Kit hissed.

  Jason dropped his hand and Kit made a moue ofdisappointment. "Sit onthe edge ofthe bed."Kit was quick to follow his instructions. He thought for a moment to put his hands on his lap but thought better of it as he caught Jasonwatchinghim.

  Jasonstood infront ofhimand Kit couldn't help but watch as he ran his hands over his muscular torso, pausingto payattentionto those silver rings Kit liked so much. Kit blushed and kept watching as Jason ran his hand over his stomach, touching himselfeverywhere Kit had wanted to for years. He circled his naveland traced the colorful tattoos spread over his hips and molded onto his stomachuntilhis fingers dipped into the band of his lounge pants. Kit's breath caught as he dropped his pants in one smooth movement. He could barely breathe as Jason kicked his pants away and all of the man's beauty was on display for him to see. He'd seen Jason naked before. He was sure of it. But he'd never really looked before. And now Jason was giving himan openinvitationto look as muchas he wanted to.

  "You need to breathe, Kit," he said with a chuckle. "You can look for as long as you want. But you've got to breathe."

  He nodded and forced himself to take a rushing breath that felt far too hot for his lungs. "You're so beautiful."

  Jason blushed. "Thanks. That means a lot coming from you." He came closer. "Now, lean back, use a pillow if you have to in order to keep weight off your tattoo. And spread your thighs."

  "Wha—"Kit had barelymade a sound as Jason dropped to his knees in front of him on the floor. He was quick to obey, his heart pounding in his chest as Jason's hand slid over his cock.

  "Tell me, did Dale the
asshole give you oral sex?" Jason asked him. He was so good, knowing exactly how to touch him that Kit could barely hold on to a single thought. He shook his head quickly. Dale hadn't done anything but fuck him. This was nothing like that. "Good,"Jason said before Kit felt the first brush of the man's warm breath against the head of his cock. And then his hips bucked as Jason took him into his mouth. Kit panted, trying not to tremble as Jason swirled his tongue over Kit's cock. His hand joined his mouth, stroking himas his mouth quickly followed. The combination had Kit moaning loudly as he clutched the sheets. He'd never felt something so good, had never lost his mind to the delicious pleasure someone else could offer him. And it was Jason. Oh God. The man sucking on his cock was the same one he'd been in love withfor so manylongyears.

  Jason's moans joined his and Kit looked over to see the man stroking his own cock, pulling at the angry purple head in a display Kit found entirely too arousing. He was getting close as he watched Jason touch himself, his large cock being stroked in long, fast movements.

  And then his climax hit with a force like he'd never felt before and he cried out Jason's name as his hips bucked into the man's mouth. He lay there, trembling and panting, as his eyes came back into focus and Jasonslowlyused his mouthto cleanhimoff.

  Kit watched as he rose back up on his feet and gave hima smile. "Thank you,"he whispered.

  Jason nodded. "Turn over, Kit. On your belly, knees on the floor, legs apart." He tossed a couple of pillows onto the floor. "Rest your knees on these." Though Kit's movements were slow and languid, he did what Jason wanted. He sighed happily as he rested his head on his arms. He was relaxed and feeling better thanhe had inweeks.

  "Jason, I—" he cut off abruptly as a stinging smack came across his right butt cheek. He gasped as a second one joined it on the other side. He watched Jason over his shoulder. The man gave hima grin which he returned as best he could as another smack landed onhis skin.

  "You have a beautiful ass." Jason stroked his hand over Kit's reddened skin. "And I love seeing my mark onit."Kit blushed deeply. Another stingingsmack landed but this time the instant pain was replaced with a tingling rush that went up Kit's spine and then landed squarely in his groin. He moaned the next time Jason's palm made contact with his tender skin. And the next had himsquirming against the side of Jason's bed as he moaned.